Labor Regret and Post-Partum Perspective

What a difference a long weekend makes! After some much needed rest, recreation and relaxation with my husband, I feel refreshed and ready for the week. Could I sleep more? Always. But this is the best I’ve felt in over a week, so I’ll take it.

I was napping with Elliott yesterday, or rather she was napping on me, when I began reminiscing about her birth. (I had been keeping notes on my iPhone along the way so I would remember as much as possible later.) When I remembered the moment when I was told I would have to have a c-section, I suddenly became filled with regret, and for the first time, I wished I could do it over again. I know that it’s silly to hold myself responsible for her brow-first presentation, but still I think things like “if I would have had better posture during the final months of my pregnancy, maybe she would have had better position?” Regardless of how she entered the world, she is totally healthy and very happy, so what more could I (sanely) ask for?

Guilty admission time: I miss being pregnant. Not so much the discomfort, nausea and constant back pain, but the way everyone treated me so gently and talked as if I were extra-precious because of the job I was doing. It doesn’t take very long after childbirth before you become “just” a mother, and suddenly no one holds the door for you anymore, and the smiles from strangers evaporate and are replaced with frowns of annoyance at the unwieldy stroller taking up the entire doorway. What’s with people loving pregnant women, but disregarding mothers? This experience has surprised me in ways I never expected.

In case I need to clarify, I’m not suffering post-partum depression (thankfully); I’m pretty sure these kinds of sentiments are common and are par for the course. The vast majority of my day is spent in adoring-mommy bliss, but that’s not the kind of feeling that one needs help understanding, you know?

Aaand I just heard the slightly disturbing low-gurgle that accompanies a massive diaper deposit. Time to put clean underpants on The Bean! (I still love this part of mommyhood. Is that bizarre?)

Tell me just how normal I am (or am not) in the comments below.

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2 Comments

  1. My husband just sent me a link to your blog, I enjoy reading it!

    Anyway- I know how you feel! There is something so sweet about being pregnant (and let’s face it, the free pass to nap in the middle of the day is great!). I know if I ever get pregnant again, I’ll be chasing a toddler and it won’t be quite the same. It is kind of shocking how differently people will treat you once baby arrives, though there are still plenty of smiles and occasional breaches of personal space, there are far more looks of disgust and annoyance.

    Reply
  2. “Guilty admission time: I miss being pregnant. Not so much the discomfort, nausea and constant back pain, but the way everyone treated me so gently and talked as if I were extra-precious because of the job I was doing. It doesn’t take very long after childbirth before you become “just” a mother, and suddenly no one holds the door for you anymore, and the smiles from strangers evaporate and are replaced with frowns of annoyance at the unwieldy stroller taking up the entire doorway. What’s with people loving pregnant women, but disregarding mothers? This experience has surprised me in ways I never expected.”

    Hm. This is a really interesting observation.

    Motherhood is hard work. We have to celebrate each other, I guess.

    (I’m also still geeking out about your breast milk post.)

    Reply

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