So The Bean is nearing a year old (she’s roughly ten and a half months at the time this is posted), and–incoming cliché–I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed. What an incredible, joyful, blessed and blurry year it has been. I realized recently that my whole understanding of time has shifted; I may not know what day it is, but I know that it’s been just about ten and a half months since Ellie was born. It’s as if my internal clock was reset to zero when Ellie was born, and instead of it being June 14th, 2011, it’s just Ten and a Half Months.
The funny thing is that I used to think so little of women whose entire lives were restructured around their children. Every time I saw it happen to someone I knew, I thought something along the lines of “and another one bites the dust.” And if I’m going to be totally honest, there was a point in my life (when I was very young and was sure that I had everything figured out) that I referred to people with kids as “breeders,” with a measurable amount of disdain in my voice. I was eighteen or nineteen years old, and I was such an insufferable cynic. Almost a misanthrope. If I met that girl today, I’d simultaneously become overwhelmed with shame-nausea while also wanting to hug that miserable little jerk and tell her to just let it go already. (I’m guessing that I’m probably not the only one who looks back on themselves and is less than impressed.)
A lot has happened to put me where I am today, and BOY am I glad to be here. So yeah, I still don’t know what day it is, but in the past ten and a half months I’ve experienced such joy and such deep fulfillment that there’s no doubt that this is the life I was meant to be leading. I just wish I could go back and hug that miserable little jerk ’cause I’m pretty sure she needed it. 🙂