I’m Calling You Out (New Year’s Edition)

This is not how I planned to begin 2012, but I’ve had it up to here (gestures to forehead).

Rather than pretending I’m never grumbly, and I’m always positive and upbeat, every once in a while, I choose to let it fly. Let it all out, as they say. So, here some grumbles, and their potential solutions. (Happy New Year! Now get off my lawn!)

Muffin Top– If you’re sporting muffin-top, your pants are too small. Solution: Buy bigger pants.

Tailgaters– For everyone’s safety (and my nerves), stop following so closely. There is no reason to be a car-length behind me, especially when I’m driving in the slower lane. You won’t get where you’re going any sooner. You’re just pissing me off. Solution: Take a chill pill. (That’s right, I said it.)

Slow Walkers– Get out of my way. My 17-month-old-daughter walks faster than you (not a joke). Keep to the right side of the sidewalk, or risk my sharp elbows. Solution: Pretend you’re actually trying to get somewhere. (And yes, I see the humor of placing this item after the bit on tailgaters. I don’t tailgate, but I do get impatient.)

Mumblers– If you want people to understand you, you must speak clearly. Especially if it is your job to answer the phone, for example. Solution: Slow down. Say each word. Remember: it’s easier to say something clearly one time, than to have to repeat yourself three times because you were mumbling.

Complete Strangers Who Touch My Kid– No. Just no. Don’t do it. Don’t think of doing it. You wouldn’t walk up to me and touch my belly, would you? Well, the kiddo is a person too, and deserves to have her personal space respected. Solution: Stop touching my kid.

Well. I sure feel better. How about you? What’s been “getting your goat?” (Am I using that right?)

❤ m

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  1. Tim

     /  January 5, 2012

    Now the question is, was the same person responsible for each of those incidents?

    • Ha! Thankfully, no. Though I’m not sure I’d say anything in real life, anyway. (Too non-confrontational.) Well, except the touching my kid thing. You know what they say about “mama grizzlies.”

      • 1) Sidewalk/open public space skmeors. Gross . I don’t need to have my clean air ruined by your nasty nasty habit. 2) Check writers. You know you’re writing a check when you go to the store, so while they’re ringing you up, write your check! Also, get introduced into the 21st century, it’s amazing!3) Snifflers/Snorters. Go blow your nose. Outside, not next to me.And I agree to all of thee above.

  2. Niharika

     /  January 5, 2012

    Definitely with you on the slow walkers!

  3. karina

     /  January 5, 2012

    1) Sidewalk/open public space smokers. Gross…. I don’t need to have my clean air ruined by your nasty nasty habit.

    2) Check writers. You know you’re writing a check when you go to the store, so while they’re ringing you up, write your check! Also, get introduced into the 21st century, it’s amazing!

    3) Snifflers/Snorters. Go blow your nose. Outside, not next to me.

    And I agree to all of thee above.

    • Karina! Of course I agree with all three of yours. I almost wrote about number 1, but I was afraid I’d get too legitimately upset. GROSS. ❤

  4. Tim Ishii in Nashville

     /  January 5, 2012

    I understand! The tailgaters are so bad in my town I actually had to put a sign on the spare tire carrier at eye level “driver and wheelchair: makes slow turns” because they tried to pass me in the intersection while turning left. Yikes!

  5. Jake

     /  January 6, 2012

    Slow walkers always get me, and it’s worse when it’s a pack of girls who insist on walking in a row no matter the situation. You’re not plastics! (maybe you are but didn’t you see the movie stop that) Maybe its the engineer talking but if you insist on not developing a fast pace, please develop some spatial awareness.

  6. Just Passin' thru.

     /  February 6, 2012

    Sometimes, when I am in stores or other crowds and a small child has their back to me and possibly backing up — or if they are going forward but not looking and they might run into me (or I might run into them) or they might run into some hard object I will put my hand out and might lightly touch them — usually on or near the head, which is the main thing I am trying to protect from injury.

    I don’t do it for a long time nor do I hang around to keep touching the kids… I just move on, but I feel happier that my passing has not in any way caused them to fall or get hurt.

    I hope that has not offended you if I ever did that to your kid and if it did, I am so sorry I offended you. But I don’t think I can stop it. Its a habit. If I see a kid moving in a direction that they might get hurt, I tend to act without thinking it over much.


    • Of course that’s totally okay! I would do the exact same thing. Allowing a child to injure itself is grounds for polite and appropriate touching, I think. 🙂 Good point!


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    Melissa Jenna Godsey

    I’m a wife, mother, accidental entrepreneur, wisdom seeker, and truth lover. We're trying really hard not to keep up with the Joneses. Click through for the whole story.

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