Dating and Business

So I often do the Internetty part of my job from a coffee shop that I adore (Sally Loo’s in San Luis Obispo, by the train station. Go to there. It’s the bombest.), and typically it’s filled with young women chatting in small groups. No joke, every time I’m there, I overhear a conversation about a recent date/crush encounter, and often, the story ends sadly. I simultaneously want to hug them and tell them that they’ll probably not even remember that loser’s name in five years, while thanking my blessed stars that I’m not in the dating pool anymore.

I’ll be honest: I’ve had some awesome dating experiences. Based on smallish sampling of guys that I let take me on dates, there are a lot of interesting, handsome, thoughtful, hard-working, gentlemanly fellas out there. A lot of mamas have raised their boys rights.

BUT. I have also had some miserable dating experiences. I’m sure I don’t need to give you details, because you’ve all seen a romantic comedy before. I remember thinking, after some dates, that all men are dogs, and that I’d be better off being single forever.

That all being said, for the good and the bad of dating, I am so happy to be happily married. I do not envy the dating crowd. I want to tell all these love-sick girls at Sally Loo’s that it will be okay. You will get over it. Everything will work out exactly the way it should.

———————————–Another thought entirely———————————–

Part of my job is keeping my eyes peeled for people and organizations to collaborate with in a manner that is mutually beneficial. Inviting someone to collaborate on a project is SO MUCH like asking someone on a date, or wanting to be asked on a date. There are the people who passive-agressively hint that they might be interested in collaborating on “something” “sometime,” and then there’s me, who’s all “hey, we should get together and do a video!”

Some people are too cool for school. I am not one of them.

If I’m into your work, or I love your company’s mission, I will tell you. Probably over and over again. I’m over-eager. I’ve found this to be just as off-putting in a business relationship as it was when I was dating, unless I’m dealing with a woman. Women (GENERALLY) love to be excited for each other. I can’t speak for everyone, but when I meet a new friend and we immediately “click,” I’m all up on my phone, texting my husband “I met a new friend and she is TOTALLY AWESOME!” And when a girlfriend of mine has some good news, I love sharing it with them. What’s more fun that celebrating something together? (This by the way, is why I agreed to join my “Summer of 7” blogging group. None of my So7 sisters are afraid of being “too excited” by our project, or about each other. It’s so. totally. rad.)

Anyway, in that way, collaborating with men, or rather, inviting men to collaborate, reminds me so much of what I didn’t like about dating. Can’t seem too eager. Can’t seem too excited. Can’t seem to be too into the project. Like, I want to work with you, but you know, whatever, no rush or anything.


Let’s be excited for a new partnership! Let’s talk about how we can help each other out! Let’s DO A THING rather than talking about “maybe doing a thing together sometime.”

I’m not looking for a collaborative partnership in which we stay up all night braiding each other’s hair, and make-up skits about the mean girls at school, but I am looking for one in which we give each other permission to be into it, you know? Permission to be excited.

SO. If you wanna do a thing together sometime, maybe tweet at me or something. Whatever. No pressure.
OR, if you wanna get together and hash out how we can talk each other’s work up, and introduce our audiences to each other’s awesomeness, let’s go get coffee, like, right now! Can’t wait!
xoxo, mj
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  1. I just have to say I’m so glad I found you through summerof7! You are so much fun and I totally want to text my husband be like there’s this girl… LOL

    • Aw thanks! And ditto! So I’m not the ONLY one who does that? I always feel like such a dork when I do. 🙂

  2. I am with you on this. As a job search coach, I hate having to tell people not to seem too excited about the jobs they’re interested in. It is sad but true that you have to seem passionate but not overly enthusiastic or you will come off as desperate. But I like being enthusiastic!

    I personally also find it hard to know when I can start referring to someone as my “friend” in front of them without freaking them out. I am the kind of person who likes to think of everyone I get along with well as a friend (at least somewhere on the continuum of friendship, maybe not a close friend), so even if I’ve only met them once I want to be like, “Hey, this is my friend so-and-so…” But I know the feeling of someone who I only like OK suddenly acting like I’m their close friend and making me feel uncomfortable, so I try not to do that to anyone.

    Good topic!

    • Ugh, I wonder the same thing! About calling people a “friend” in front of them, I mean. But like you might have gathered, I can be one of those that feels too familiar, too fast. Within five minutes of meeting someone, I can, in my head, declare them my new BFFL. I’m super childish that way.

      And from now on I’m going to practice staying cool when talking to business-partner types. 🙂


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