Confessions of a Former “Non-Breeder”

Before I was a mother, pregnancy and childbirth gave me the heebie-jeebies. It just seemed so…gross. The idea of another living-thing living inside of me would literally make me nauseous if I thought for too long about it. I couldn’t help but likening pregnancy to those urban legends about earwigs laying eggs in people’s brains and stuff. (Don’t ask me what was wrong with me, because I haven’t a clue. Not a clue.) And childbirth just seemed so…animalistic. So below the innate dignity of human beings. And I know what many of you are thinking: pregnancy and childbirth are both natural and necessary for the survival of our species. Trust me, I get it now, but for many many years, simply the word “pregnant” made me shudder. (To be honest, I still avoid using the word “pregnant” whenever possible, mostly because we DO use it to describe both animals and people, and that bothers me. So I say “expecting a baby” whenever I can.)

And I already wrote a while ago about how I used to be a self-righteous, judgmental jerk, referring to parents as “breeders” and children as “spawn,” so when I began reading this series on Slate regarding people who are against having children, my interest was piqued. They’ve done a whole series on people who have decided, for a plethora or reasons, to remain childless. There’s one article about a man who was very concerned with his “career mobility,” one on a woman who had her tubes-tied at 26 years old because she was afraid she’d repeat the abuses of her parents, one where a woman called babies “alien parasites,” (me and that girl would have been BFFs back in the day), and one where the writer described a “baby-shower” she attended for a women who was not having a baby, but was releasing her first book. (Yeah, because those two things are SO similar. Does your book wake you up to breastfeed every hour and a half?) I hear so much of my former self in each of the women interviewed for the series: the self-righteousness, the judgement, the fear, the selfishness, the insistence that there “is no such thing as a biological clock,” and the unwillingness (or inability) to value motherhood equally to success in the marketplace. And it makes me so sad for them.

The series of articles makes it very clear that the child-free do not want to be pitied, and that they find my feeling sad for them to be offensive. But here’s the thing: I used to be one of “them,” a self-proclaimed non-breeder. A girl who used to go around proudly telling people that “I love my life too much to have kids.” And now that I’m on the other side, I realize not only how wrong I was, but how immature and completely bone-headed I was being. I was like so many young women, walking around with lower-back tattoos or breast implants: I made a decision that was right for me at the time, without fully understanding the longterm ramifications. Without leaving room for myself to change my mind in the future. I guess the good thing about being a self-righteous non-breeder is that it’s much easier to go back and change your mind than if you’re walking around with a tramp-stamp, or massive barbie-boobs.

The unifying tone that I hear, in each of the articles in the series, is a powerful aversion to wisdom from those who have “been there and done that.” None of the non-breeders interviewed wants to deign to hear anything a former non-breeder like myself would have to say. They effectively plug their ears and “lalalalala I can’t heaaar you” their way through the series, never once really hearing that there are so many women who used to feel just like them. They have the tone of a petulant twelve year old girl, being advised by her mother, that she will, in fact, find love again. (“No I won’t! He was SPECIAL! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!” I can hear them sobbing, storming out of the room and slamming the door behind them.)

I want to tell the self-righteous non-breeders that I understand that feeling. I mean, honestly, no one wants to feel immature, or that their thoughts aren’t special. But listen: countless women have thought to themselves the very same thoughts you do regarding having children. Most of them, myself included, have found themselves on the other side of the situation, raising a child, and realizing just how wrong they were about the whole thing; motherhood has blessed us with an ability to understand ourselves, and life, in a deeper and more gratifying way than our careers ever could have (not to mention all the other blessings motherhood brings). We know this because we’ve been there, shouting from the rooftops that we’d remain childless forever, and we feel foolish about that whole thing now.

Notice that I am NOT saying that it’s everyone’s “destiny” to have children. If you hate children, I’d rather you don’t. What I am saying is that you need to leave yourself some wiggle-room. You need to keep your mind open to the possibility that you might change your mind one day. Try not to make being a non-breeder so much of your identity, that when your biological clock starts ticking, it ushers in with it an existential crisis. I used to be just like you, and here I am, twenty-eight years old, telling you that having a child was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Just consider that you might not know it all. And don’t go rushing to get any crazy tattoos, either.

mj

(Edited to reflect that one of the articles I originally attributed to a woman was actually written by a man. Oddly enough, I remember telling myself to use gender-neutral language in describing the series, because men do weigh-in, but it look like I forgot that when writing about it. Thanks Laney for the heads-up!)

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25 Comments

  1. praxis22

     /  June 19, 2012

    I remember reading an amazing stat in a paper from a professor attempting to answer the feminist critique of “what’s good about men”

    It said that in the history of the species 80% of all women had given birth, but to only 40% of the men.

    Which I found amazing, both for what it says about the high cost/risk men have had to take to be able to procure the resources to attract a woman and provide for children. But also because of the implication that every man alive is the product of one of life’s winners. At least on a biological determinism level.

    Looked at that way, the choice women who don’t want to have children are making, is to write themselves and their maternal line out of history, and the human gene pool. But given the 80% success rate of females in the main, I think humankind will be OK. Would be interesting to know what losing that section of females who strive will do to the morphology of the species though. Just as it would be interesting to know what the species would look like if the male ratio were higher.

    Fascinating stuff. Good post.

    Reply
  2. Laney

     /  June 19, 2012

    I have many thoughts in response to this, none of which are well thought out yet, so I will spare you for now.

    In the meantime, your first example of a woman who was concerned with her “career mobility” is actually a man (according to the article you referenced).

    Perhaps you are addressing both the value of fatherhood, as well as motherhood. 😉

    Reply
    • Yikes! Fixed it, and added this addendum to the bottom of the post: Edited to reflect that one of the articles I originally attributed to a woman was actually written by a man. Oddly enough, I remember telling myself to use gender-neutral language in describing the series, because men do weigh-in, but it look like I forgot that when writing about it. Thanks Laney for the heads-up!

      And I would LOVE to hear your take on this, as you’re both a liberated woman, and come from a large family.

      Reply
  3. Kristen Ober

     /  June 19, 2012

    I had to read this because I am someone who has made the conscious decision not to have children. However, I had to comment because my decision is not for any of the reasons you listed above. I have made that choice because I don’t feel as though I have what it takes to be a parent. I can’t tell you how much I respect and admire those who have children. I don’t hate children in any way shape or form. I find them to be funny, full of personality, and promise. I don’t get angry when I’m on a plane and there is a baby or toddler on the plane, even when they scream (I figure their ears are killing them with the cabin pressure, and I have headphones and music).
    I worked in the maternity fashion industry for over four years, I have been around countless pregnant women, and have seen them in various forms of undress during photo shoots. I find them all to be absolutely beautiful, with their round bellies carrying around a life. I am not grossed out by their pregnancy, nor do I think that they are ‘breeders’ as you put it. One of the most amazing experiences in my life was being in the delivery room during the birth of my Goddaughter.
    My two best friends in the whole world both have children, and I can’t tell you how much I love those kids. And if anything were to happen to them I would take care of those kids in a heart beat and do it with joy and a smile on my face. Aside from that, I have more respect and admiration for them because they are parents, and because they chose to have children. I don’t get all gooey eyed around a baby, in fact babies kind of freak me out with the amount of responsibility that is attached them.
    And that is why I have made my choice not to have children.
    For me personally, the benefits don’t out weigh the cost. When I see a baby, I don’t think “what a cute baby and I can’t wait to have one” I think “Holy crap that is a 10lb baby with about 60lbs worth of crap that has to be hauled around every time that mom needs or wants to go out. Plus I get to sleep all night long and be selfish and only pay attention to myself.” The sheer emotional, physical, and economical responsibility toward a child from their birth to your death (being a parent doesn’t end when they are 18) is mind blowing to me and I do not want to take it on.
    I don’t feel as though I’m self righteous in my decision, I simply have come to the conclusion that having a child is not for me, but I can respect and admire those who are parents.

    Reply
    • Thank you so much for this comment. You said exactly what I came here to say, but put it way more eloquently.

      Reply
  4. Very unique perspective – thanks for sharing! Just a question, why can’t someone just not want children? I don’t hate them – I just don’t want them. I’m glad that more and more people are choosing to live their lives child-free, as it takes self-awareness to realize that you don’t want to have children. Obviously, if you changed your mind about something major, it’s possible you didn’t know yourself as well as you did until you became a mother. There is nothing wrong with that, but why do you assume that others must take the same journey to know themselves? Through various chat-rooms and blog posts, I’ve realized that many people end up hating motherhood and fatherhood, and if they realized there was another choice, they wouldn’t have made the same mistake. It ends up being worse for the child. I don’t believe parenting is for everyone, in fact, most people shouldn’t be parents. I refer to great parents as PNB’s (Parent Not Breeder), and people who shouldn’t be parents earn the term breeder. 😉 They are a dime a dozen – It takes a treasured few to raise children in good homes with tons of care and compassion. I apologize if I was all over the place – sometimes it can be difficult to express the point I’m trying to reach or share what my thought as regarding the subject. Especially one as complex as choosing to be child-free or a parent.

    Reply
    • Oh no! I didn’t mean to imply that it’s not okay to just not want kids. I had the “self-righteous” types in mind when I wrote it (because I used to be a self-righteous non-breeder). And I’m going to start calling great parents PNBs in my head from now on. 🙂 People are free to do as they please, my only concern was that the self-righteous types might be so set in their minds on the issue that they never actually consider the other side. I’m sorry if I offended you, and you have my word that I didn’t mean to do so.

      Reply
  5. Melissa, I too am a former babyhater. For the first 27 years of my life, I was adamant that we wouldn’t have children, even though I was happily married. I could only see the bad; snotty noses, dirty diapers, screaming kids, bad behavior, constant stress, sleepless nights, constant worry, etc. I would be so exhausted when I got home from work I would always say “I can hardly take care of myself, no way am I going to take care of somebody else!” I had never babysat, never changed a diaper, never had a desire to do anything with children.
    One of the other commenters said that to her, the benefits don’t outweigh the costs. But that is the problem. I am convinced you cannot under any circumstances understand the wonderful, awesome things about having a child until you actually do it. I saw nothing good about it, I thought every day would be like the hard days. I was stunned when I realized what the good days were like because I had never experienced or thought of them! I heard others tell stories about this and was like “but what if I’m not like that?” When I finally agreed after 7 years of marriage that we could try for a child, I got pregnant right away. I LOVED being pregnant, but was terrified of having the baby, so much so that my doctor felt my anxiety level would actually prevent me from being able to go into labor. (I opted for a c-section, which was a great choice for me) Even at 9 months pregnant, I was not ready. I feared I wouldn’t like the baby, that she wouldn’t like me and that it was all a big mistake. But it really is like everyone else says–it’s different when it’s yours. (and that can be achieved through adoption, fostering, surrogacy, whatever; this is not an argument that “only biological kids are really yours.”) It’s inexplicable. Every day I cannot believe what an incredible blessing I almost missed out on–2 of them actually. It’s just a shame that the good stuff can’t be shared because it’s just incomprehensible ahead of time.

    Reply
    • Jamie

       /  July 16, 2012

      You said: “One of the other commenters said that to her, the benefits don’t outweigh the costs. But that is the problem. I am convinced you cannot under any circumstances understand the wonderful, awesome things about having a child until you actually do it.”

      I really must argue that your logic isn’t convincing to a CF woman. Having a child is one decision that you can’t undo. I for one am not comfortable having a child “just to see” how wonderful it could be. I’m a 31-year-old woman whose biological clock isn’t telling me to have children.

      Reply
      • You are right-it is not convincing, because there is no convincing to be done.
        I know that no one could have convinced me about the good things, and that was my point. I would never purport to convince anyone to have a child just to see, nor would I ever imply that everyone should be a parent. I was merely sharing my experience, as I am awed every day at how wrong I was.
        At only 27 my biological clock had no bearing on my decision whatsoever (not sure if you were just making a statement about your position or whether you were implying mine was a result of the clock) but regardless, I do think more people should weigh the permanency of the decision such as you are doing because too many only see the “cute little baby” and aren’t at all cognizant of all that is involved in parenting them for life.

        Reply
  6. Childfree Woman

     /  July 16, 2012

    I actually used to be like you when I was your age. I am only a few years older at 32, so I may not be down for the count yet, but I have a pretty good idea on how I feel about the subject, and my life and opinions have changed drastically in those 4 years.

    I’m definitely of the Childfree crowd here. Found your blog from a Reddit post. (And before I begin, I do not use this term to offend. Many people see ‘childfree’ as being negative about kids, because it makes it sound like having kids is a burden, but I don’t like the term childless. To me a childless person is someone who wants kids, but for whatever reason cannot or does not have them yet. The suffix ‘less’ implies to me that something quintessential and absolutely required is missing.)

    Sure, you are absolutely right! I will agree anything is possible when it comes to changing minds. People change from Childfree to Baby on Board for sure. Minds change about tastes in music, we cringe as kids when we get socks for birthday gifts, and practically bouce with happiness over it as adults. We grow up earting certain foods, and one day, it just doesn’t taste the same anymore. We can grow up thinking we want to do one thing with our lives, then end up doing something completely different. So yes. Change of heart about having kids is a real possibility. I am not sterilized. That leaves possibilities open. However, by asking myself a single question, I can determine if the possibility should become a reality.

    “Do I want kids?”

    I can ask myself as many times as I like over the course of my life. Even after menopause, I can still adopt, after all, if I ever answer ‘yes.’ But so far, the answer has always been ‘later’ or ‘nope.’

    I will say that I find it a little sad and degrading that you would compare a woman who does not want children as being a ‘petulant 12 year old’.

    It’s sad that as a women, we have to fit a predetermined mold to be considerd a ‘woman’ and not a ‘girl’. We have to achieve certain social milestones in life to be considered acceptably grown. I don’t like it, but it’s a fact I face every day.

    I think it’s just better if all of us step back and realize that we’re all just human, and each of us has a path in life we want follow. Yours is raising a member of our future generation. Mine is not. You have your plans. I have mine.

    For me, the work of birthing and raising a kids far outweighs the rewards of having a friendship with an adult child. (Whenever I imagined being a mother, it was always to an older teen or college aged adult. Never to anyone younger than preteen.) For you, it’s barely a blip on the ‘uhg’ meter, and it’s a labor of love.

    I thought it was silly for women to actively choose not to have kids, too. However I’ve always been very ‘whatever I’ll think about it later’ about having my own. I never really had much interest in kids as a child or teen. I never babysat. I was too busy fighting with my mother because I, as most teens, felt I was far more mature and adult than I was. I was always trying to hang out with and impress my parents and thier friends as a kid and teen. I resented being left out of thier conversartions and gatherings.

    I thought it was weird to not want kids, because I was convinced all women have an epiphany where one day they look up at the ceiling or the sky or maybe at nothing paticular at all, and realize they want child with absolute certainty. I assumed it would happen to me eventually and I would deal with it then.

    But when I started reading more about being childfree (I was morbidly curious about it because it just seemed so taboo and odd), I realized how much I related to the people who posted. Half the stories I read, I could literally see myself in their shoes. Especially the women in thier sixties and seventies, who were well past childbearing years, and how at peace and in unity they were with the decisions they made as younger women.

    My decision to move away from childrearing to childfree was a gradual one. As I got older, I just lost interest in the idea.

    I won’t lie. There is a definite rude foot stomping, ranty side of the childfree subculture. I personally am one of the people that does not participate in it.

    I hope this helps you understand us a little bit better. I’ve never liked the advesarial ‘US VS. THEM’ aspect of the childfree/parents debate. As with any group, there is always a loud, very vocal minority, and a quieter, more sensible majority. Childfree folks are no different.

    Reply
    • Thank you for such for being so respectful! I don’t mean to insult your character, it’s just that the reddit crowd has been…venomous.

      I’m with you regarding the term “Childfree” not being offensive. And you’re right about “childless” seeming somehow “less than.”

      I’m COMPLETELY okay with people choosing to remain child-free, and being that I used to be of that mindset, I could totally see myself being in their shoes. It’s the self-righteous types that I take issue with. (Same with self-righteous “breeders.”) It’s the “rude foot stomping, ranty side of the child free subculture” that I find short-sighted and somewhat offensive.

      And again, I agree with you about disliking the “adversarial ‘US VS. THEM’ dynamic. I hope my daughter grows up to know that she doesn’t have to have a black-and-white opinion on the issue, and that the truth lies somewhere in the grey areas. I’m generally in the quieter, more sensible majority, but at the time that I wrote this, I was steeped in the “petulant 12 year old” types, and felt that I needed to say something.

      Reply
      • Arbiter

         /  July 16, 2012

        The biggest problem in the entire debate is that there are fringe groups on both sides – those who insult, degrade, and attack people for their decision to have children, and those who insult, degrade, and attack people for their decision not to. Both sides seem to grow more hateful and offensive because they see themselves as just defending against the other side. What we end up with is increasingly hateful people on the fringes of the childfree and the child-bearing.

        The majority of people from both sides tend to be respectful of other people’s choices in life (although as the less common of the two groups, the childfree seem to suffer more from unintentional rudeness or nonacceptance).

        Reply
  7. Jesus Christ

     /  July 16, 2012

    Speaking of petulant 12-year-old girls, we seem to have found one stuck in an adult blogger’s body.

    Do you realize you have a personality disorder? When you were young, you didn’t want to breed, so in your mind THAT WAS THE ONLY OPTION FOR EVERYONE, AND EVERYONE WHO DISAGREED WAS WRONG, and you were a self-righteous bitch.

    Then you got knocked up, and suddenly parenting is THE ONLY OPTION FOR EVERYONE, AND EVERYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH YOU IS WRONG, and you’re still a self-righteous bitch.

    It isn’t even your actual beliefs that are fucked up, its your NEED to evangelize. Guess what, hon. Flip-flopping sides on an issue doesn’t give you more insight. It just makes you flaky.

    Why can’t you just deal with the fact that adults can make their own personal choices about child rearing, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you? The world doesn’t revolve around you, nobody else gives two shits about the fact that you used to think babies were gross and now you think babies are awesome, so we should all have babies!!!

    And lastly – jesus christ, lady, why do you even have a blog? You’re a terrible writer and you have absolutely nothing interesting to contribute to the Internet. You think being pretty and white and taking a shitty facebook style picture for your profile is enough to make you worthwhile. Its not.

    Reply
    • I’m approving this comment, not because I agree with or condone anything it has to say, but because hiding this garbage, or pretending it doesn’t exist, doesn’t help anyone.

      In order to promote healthy discussion, and fight bullying, we have to stare this ugliness right in the face, and acknowledge its existence.

      No amount of insults, or foul language, or bullying will prevent me from sharing my story with those who want to hear it, and we would all do well to recognize just how ugly opposition becomes when it feels threatened.

      Never feel too intimidated to share what’s on your heart, and never let the ugliness of opposition bully you into silence. Your voice is valuable, and for what it’s worth, I’ll always support you. 🙂

      Love,
      mj

      Reply
      • Jamie

         /  July 16, 2012

        Beautiful response to this troll. On behalf of the more moderate Childfree of the internet, I apologize.

        Reply
      • Joy

         /  July 16, 2012

        MJ, you responded with much more grace to this person than I would have. It was painful to read but I agree it’s worth posting comments like these in order to expose bullies. I’m always “amused” by those who go onto someone’s blog of their own volition and then act as if they were forced upon pains of death to read it. Your blog is refreshing and wonderful….much like the person you seem to be. Keep up the fantastic work!

        Reply
      • Nakia

         /  July 21, 2012

        Good response! And so FAST! I would’ve had to pray and meditate for a couple days to not come back with a nasty rant of my own…LOL Kudos to you for handling those awful comments with grace and civility. 🙂

        Reply
      • I know this is old but wow……it is really stunning to see how much ugliness some people feel compelled to dump on others, and for no reason whatsoever! Your response reminds me of Lysa Terkeurst’s story (from Proverbs 31 Ministries) in one of her books about responding in grace to an angry and virulent letter she received. Thanks for being such a great example!

        Reply
  8. This is an interesting perspective to me because, for as long as I can remember, I wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother. But I see nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids as long as one takes the necessary steps to avoid pregnancy.

    Also, I love the way you responded to the cyber bully. Well said!

    Reply
  9. Nakia

     /  July 21, 2012

    I can totally relate to this post! Not to the extent that I was grossed out by pregnancy, but just filled with anxiety about the prospect of being a proper and good parent. Plus, I am an only child, and I spent a lot of time with older folks. Even though I am NOT child-free, I relate to the poster “Childfree” when she talks about not babysitting, and resenting adults for not recognizing her superior maturity and including her in their conversations…LOL When I would think about parenthood, I would often think of myself as a child. I was an ideal child, early on, but all hell broke loose in my teen years! I mean, I was a product of a single-parent household, which may not be considered ideal, but my mother was WONDERFUL, supportive and affectionate, without being a total pushover, and yet I struggled with major depression, eating disorders, promiscuity, and all sorts of foolishness as a teen! My poor mom! I took that as a sign that you could do everything right as a parent, and STILL have a crazy kid! Also, although I never actively disliked children, I have never been a “kid person.” Even as a child, I had little patience for other little kids and their antics. LOL I was afraid that I wouldn’t know what to do with a baby or small child, and that I wouldn’t be able to control (for lack of a better word) or protect a teenager. I remained ambivalent for years, even after being married. Every year, I said, “Next year.” to a baby. Finally, my husband talked me into it, and I (as the cliche says) now I cannot imagine life without my little boy.

    I say all this to say…Ditto? LOL 😉

    PS – Shout-out to all my child-free homies! You make adults’ night out great by making sure the conversation does not center entirely around poopie diapers and such! 😉

    Reply
  10. LaShae

     /  January 5, 2013

    Did you ever consider the possibility that the reason why some child-free women hate breeders is because they can’t have kids and there are no kids to adopt because of abortion? Society deifies “mommies” while shunning women who don’t have children. The mommies form their little cliques and shut out the women who don’t have kids or if they decide to include them all they talk about is their spawn, insensitively complaining about how hard it is to be a mother when their child free friend won’t ever have the chance.
    You try adopting sometime. There’s thousands of couples fighting over one baby and the birthmother is playing them all against each other milking each of them for as much money as she can, all the while knowing she isn’t going to relinquish the child at birth and the law is on her side – she doesn’t have to pay back a dime. These women are con artists. Infertility is painful enough but playing the adoption game is soul destroying. Would you want to parent someone else’s kid? What if that was your only option to become a parent and the birthmothers were scamming you? Trust me, some of these women are the scum of the earth and you always have to worry about whether the apple is going to fall far from the tree.
    We hate you breeders because you complain about everything you’ve been given – for free. You didn’t spend $100,000 in failed IVF treatments. You didn’t give $30,000 to an agency and another $20,000 to a birthmother only to see the deal fall through in the delivery room because the piece of filth that’s been lucky enough to get pregnant decided to keep the baby so she can milk the system for welfare and WIC (which the childless pay for through their tax dollars). It was all a ruse to get someone to pay for her new car – which she doesn’t have to return.
    So yes, you breeders can go to hell. “It’s so hard to be a parent.” Right. If I won the lottery 3 times and I went to my neighbor who was losing her house and didn’t have a dime in the bank and said “it’s so hard to be rich” then everyone would think (rightly) that I’m a jerk. But it’s perfectly fine for moo breeders to go around flaunting their fertility and complaining that the baby kept them up all night and they shouldn’t have to work or clean the house because they’re pregnant again….
    You breeders have already won the lottery, some of you many times. And you make the rest of us subsidize your child tax deduction, buy your stupid school raffle tickets, and work extra hours because you have to go see your kid’s soccer game.
    If there was justice in the world, you’d lose all your kids to a car accident or house fire exactly one day after your menopause. Then all your “friends” would leave you because the other moos wouldn’t have anything to talk about with you because you don’t have kids. You’d get no sympathy, even though your children died – just like women who miscarry over and over. No one acknowledges the loss.

    Reply
  11. Eloise

     /  January 31, 2013

    I think you’re confused as to the difference between childLESS and childFREE.
    Those who do not ever – EVER – want children are childFREE. Those who want kids, but who are unable to fall pregnant, or the IVF won’t take, and who become bitter at parents/breeders because they fall pregnant so easily are childLESS.

    Less – as in lacking/minus the stated object/desire/outcome.

    The majority of childFREE women will not change their minds. My sister-in-law (my brother’s wife) is what you would call childFREE. She is the most amazing woman, who was volunteered as a both a nurse and therapist for hearing impared adults in Nepal, India, Cambodia, Vietnam, Turkey, Morocco and Romania. She’s also volunteered as a literacy tutor in South America and Eastern Europe (including the commencement of an educational programme for adults). My brother also has never wanted children. Both of them have been the most caring, loving people I’ve ever met. It’s always those two who give the most, are the most patient and caring, unlike my other brother and his breeder-ific bint of a wife.

    Albeit this is with her own finances & backing, she has been called ‘selfish’ by breeders who will never do anything with their lives except reproduce. Sadly, I used to be one of those women who thought reproducing was some sort of achievement. Thankfully I awoke to the truth that as it’s the easiest thing in the world to do in first world nations, and many of the whinging women should travel with my brother’s wife to some of the places she’s nursed in. Clean drinking water being a luxury in most of them. Travelling with my brother & sister-in-law was an eye-opener and the reality check I needed – it stopped the “I want I want me me me I want” mantra which so many breeders – and breeder wannabes – insist on. It also opened the eyes of my three daughters. The two eldest (22 & 19) have stated they do not want to breed in an already over-populated world, and would rather adopt. It’s interesting to see rampant breeders foam at the mouth and insist that these girls do not “know their own mind” or will “change their minds” as they get older. For some reason, it seems to a sheltered, insular part of society, that for a woman to be whole, complete, and to understand ‘true sacrifice and love’, a woman must give birth.

    Sad really.

    There are millions – millions – of unwanted children in the world. Especially in the USA. It gets up my nose when there are so many older kids who need good homes, yet they may be of ‘ethnic’ backgrounds, they may be from bad homes, have awful parents, but what a selfless thing to do….give a child who is already in the world a chance, rather than stick to the ego-driven “must have one of my ooowwwwwwnnnnnnn!” mentality. Especially after so many failed attempts at IVF. Maybe that’s nature’s way of telling somebody that they should not be reproducing.

    Reply
  1. I’m Not Having A Baby | Infinite Sadness… or what?
  2. Child-free Emotions | Infinite Sadness… or hope?

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