I’m Calling You Out (New Year’s Edition)

This is not how I planned to begin 2012, but I’ve had it up to here (gestures to forehead).

Rather than pretending I’m never grumbly, and I’m always positive and upbeat, every once in a while, I choose to let it fly. Let it all out, as they say. So, here some grumbles, and their potential solutions. (Happy New Year! Now get off my lawn!)

Muffin Top– If you’re sporting muffin-top, your pants are too small. Solution: Buy bigger pants.

Tailgaters– For everyone’s safety (and my nerves), stop following so closely. There is no reason to be a car-length behind me, especially when I’m driving in the slower lane. You won’t get where you’re going any sooner. You’re just pissing me off. Solution: Take a chill pill. (That’s right, I said it.)

Slow Walkers– Get out of my way. My 17-month-old-daughter walks faster than you (not a joke). Keep to the right side of the sidewalk, or risk my sharp elbows. Solution: Pretend you’re actually trying to get somewhere. (And yes, I see the humor of placing this item after the bit on tailgaters. I don’t tailgate, but I do get impatient.)

Mumblers– If you want people to understand you, you must speak clearly. Especially if it is your job to answer the phone, for example. Solution: Slow down. Say each word. Remember: it’s easier to say something clearly one time, than to have to repeat yourself three times because you were mumbling.

Complete Strangers Who Touch My Kid– No. Just no. Don’t do it. Don’t think of doing it. You wouldn’t walk up to me and touch my belly, would you? Well, the kiddo is a person too, and deserves to have her personal space respected. Solution: Stop touching my kid.

Well. I sure feel better. How about you? What’s been “getting your goat?” (Am I using that right?)

❤ m

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