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I’m a wife, mother, accidental entrepreneur, wisdom seeker, and truth lover. We're trying really hard not to keep up with the Joneses. Click through for the whole story.
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I haaate running. I truly, deeply, loathe running. The root of it is the deep sense of shame I felt as a child, struggling with diminished lung capacity due to complications from being born premature, and having pneumonia a few times at a young age. The thing is, I *look* like someone who should be a runner. I had the weird elongated body of a giraffe, or a colt who hadn’t grown into its adult self yet. People would just look at me and assume I was not just *able*, but would excel in this area. So when I struggled, instead of support an encouragement, I was bullied relentlessly by coaches and PE teachers for being “lazy,” which to this enneagram 1 is the most cutting insult anyone could levy at me. . When I run, I can easily carry with me the oppressive weight of the shame I felt, and the sense of devastation that comes from disappointing people, and not living up to others’ expectations of me. It’s the thing I’m most insecure about, even as an adult. . But I’m growing. I’m not the insecure kid whose identity is rooted in exceeding everyone’s expectations. Putting on my running shoes is where the rubber truly meets the road (no pun intended). Doing this thing that used to bring me such shame— it’s an act of trust, and humility, and surrender. Will I keep my eyes on the one who calls me beloved? Or will I allow past voices of condemnation to rule over me? . My prayer and hope is that one day I will find joy in this the way so many others do. But even if I don’t, I’m still keeping at it. I don’t know why I’ve sensed God’s leading me to run, and maybe I never will. I’m okay with that. I don’t need to know everything up front in order to do the next right thing. To literally put one foot in front of the other. . Linking up with @emilypfreeman and friends as she encourages me to do #mynextrightthing. . #hopewriters #runninginfaith #couchto5k
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